Friendship

The past 2.5 weeks have been so wonderful to see old friends and share in the celebration of their marriage.  Makes me think back onto my own wedding and how quickly the past 5 years have passed..

There has been lots of ups and downs along the way- 2 babies, dental school, unemployed, moving.. but I think the hardest times happened when I wasn’t as close with my friends through my troubled times.  Carrie Flower encourages us to be friends to those encountering illness or difficulties but what happens when you try to be a friend to someone and they wont let you in?  Even though Tommy and I were dating for 7 years before we got married, our actual wedding happened quickly.  After finding out we were expecting we decided to move on with the wedding before our little Mason arrived.  So that was a lot to process, and if finding out we were pregnant, planning and executing a wedding in 2 months wasn’t hard enough our Mason arrived 6 weeks early.  At 5 lbs 14 oz, with GERD and respiratory distress, he wound up in the NICU.  The hardest day of my life still has to be when I left the hospital and didn’t have my baby with me.  It was devastating.  After a 2 week feeding battle he came home with us.  Caring for a newborn is hard enough, especially when you combine it with a premature baby with GERD and who needs to nurse constantly so he will grow.  At 6 weeks he went into the hospital for surgery for treatment of pyloric stenosis.  It was devastating and for some reason I felt like it was all my fault.   I was a young mom who got “knocked up” and as if that wasn’t bad enough, I couldn’t even keep my baby inside long enough so that he could grow to his fullest. I was embarrassed and felt that I had no one to turn to because who could understand?

I began to back myself into a hole.  I didn’t really do much with anyone besides my family.  I was too scared to take Mason anywhere.  My friends did reach out to me, ask me to go out, go to the movies, visit them, do things that we use to do before I had a baby.  But I took that as them not understanding and not wanting to be a part of my new life with a newborn.  I drifted away from everyone and was depressed.  I didn’t really understand that I was depressed though until I finally met some other mom friends when Mason was about 14 months old. Once I finally felt comfortable enough, I shared with them how I was feeling.  They shared similar stories, which I could relate to.   It still took awhile to get out of the darkness and socialize again.  Once I had Elizabeth I was certain not to let this happen again.  As hard as it is to leave the newborn and your little boy, it is so important to go out, have fun with your friends, and do the things that were important to me before I was just a “mom.”  I swear exercising has helped as well.  During the “darkness” with Mason I barely worked out.  Running, spinning, stretching, and yoga are my therapy.  As hard as some days are to get out there and move because Im so sleep deprived or just “not in the mood” I always get re-energized when I get moving.

So remember that it is important not to turn your back on your friends or family when they are sick or going through their own hardships, but it also just as important to let your guard down when you struggling.   

I am so thankful for all of my friends in my life and I thank you for sticking by me, even if I wasn’t always available to let you in.  I love you!

Xoxx

K