A little christmas magic

Last night we went out to purchase our Christmas tree.  We meet Tommy on his way home from work at the Home Depot near our house.  We look around at all of the tied up trees, pick one that seems to have good shape, strap it to the roof of our car, and head home.

By the time we get home and get the massive thing unloaded into the house, everyone is starving.  Elizabeth is hanging on my leg whining, Mason is throwing a temper tantrum on the floor,  Tommy is obsessing over the extra branches that need to be clipped, and I'm attempting to put together a meal for us.  The house looks like a bomb went off.  Tupperware containers, filled w holiday decor, are consuming the kitchen and living room.  My vision of a lovely evening listening to christmas tunes, hanging ornaments on the tree, and putting out our favorite decorations is not panning out the way I had envisioned.  Getting everyone fed is a must at this point so we throw food on the table.  After we eat, I could care less about decorating the tree.  I just want to focus on cleaning up this mess, which has just been added to w pans and dishes.  I turn on the "All I want for Christmas is You"Pandora station to help get me in the mood.  A few songs go by and Im still not feeling it.  Now Im just tired- tired of listening to the kids cry, tired of cleaning the dishes for the 1000 time that day, tired of tripping over their toys, tired of my life being consumed by kid land..  Then Elizabeth falls off of her car and is laying on the carpet crying.  I can not get to her because of the barricade of boxes in the kitchen, Tommy is trimming the branches on the tree, but sweet Mason, without being asked, goes over to her, leans down, gently takes her hand, and helps her up.  The little smile on her face, and the sweet, caring voice of Mason just melted my heart.   The sound of the First Noel, which starts playing in the midst of all of this, makes the perfect backdrop to the moment.  This is what Christmas is all about... family, love, kindness, and being supportive.  I shook off my bad mood and we decorated our tree.  Mason was so proud to place that star on top.

After I finished putting Elizabeth to bed I come out to see Mason standing there, staring up at the tree.  "Do you like it Mas?"  "Yes mommy, its just so beautiful.  I love looking at it."
And I love looking at you my dear.  Wish I could freeze the moment forever.
Xoxx
K

Just another manic monday

So here is a little insight into how my Monday morning began...
Elizabeth decided to start on and off crying around 4:45 am, which I try to ignore, hoping she will go back to sleep, until she starts calling "mom, mommy, mama, mommmm..."  I go in to get her so that Mason does not wake up and then I have 2 of them to deal with on this early, dark morning.  I find random activities (play with the remote, phone, put chapstick on) for her to do quietly in my room. Mason comes in at 7 and we all head out to begin the normal wake up routine.  They each get a cup of milk, which Ellie decides that she would like to pour in her hand and "wash her hair" with, instead of drink.  Mason has an artistic inspiration and decides he wants to draw all of us with his cousins on Thanksgiving so we need a HUGE piece of paper, markers, and his drawing table stat.  Trying to keep Ellie away from the masterpiece, I put her in the highchair with cheerios, strawberries, and milk.  She decides she is not hungry and dumps it all over the place.  After cleaning her and the mess up I start to unload the dishwasher.  As Im putting the plates away I look down to see Elizabeth grabbing for the sharp knives.  I pull her away, tell her DANGER, and say no.  She stands on the stool watching me unload the rest of the stuff, with a snotty glare on her face (how dare I tell her no).  Mason, the artist, has finished his design and now needs breakfast so I pour him a bowl of cereal.  In a matter of seconds, I turn around to E about to wipe her face with the clorox wipe that I had just used to wipe down the counter. Enough with the kitchen!  We need her out of here!  So I take her to her room, change and dress her.  We head back out to get Mason dressed and play with some toys before we have to take Mason to school.  Ellie is occupied for a minute so I grab the recycling to take out to the garage, but she calls me for help.  As I lean over to help her, the very last of the beer drips out of the bottle I am taking out to the garage and lands on her head.  I try wiping it off but she still smells like stale beer.  She has a doctors appoinment at a new office today.  I decide that as much as I want to be lazy and not bathe her, I probably shouldn't take my daughter smelling like alcohol to meet the new pediatrician.  I put soap on a washcloth and rub it in her hair.  Well I used too much. The soap is everywhere and I have to undress her so I can thoroughly rinse it out.  Now its time to get Mason dressed.  We go into his room and as I lean down to help him, I notice this huge orange spot on his light blue comforter.  "What is this?"  I ask Mason.  He says "I dont know, I think Ellie did it."  I smell it, its marker.  I say "Ellie did you color this?"  Head nods yes.  I strip it, rinse it, only to have the orange bleed all over the white star that is also on the duvet.  Breathe Kirby, breathe, you can deal with this later.  I tell Mas to get in the car, grab E to find that she has pooped!  Are you serious?!!!  I change her, strap her in the car, and come back inside to find my phone.  As I just about loose my patience and flip my lid, I close my eyes and say a prayer. "I need help getting through this day.  Please help me.  I can't do it alone."  I open my eyes to see my phone laying there and a total calmness run through my body.  The rest of the day was as smooth as pie.
It always pays to ask for help!
PS the stain came out :)
And below is sweet Mason's drawing.  Even though his sister was anything but sweet this morning, he was calm and cool.  Such an amazing boy with a kind heart.

Xoxx
K

Friendship

The past 2.5 weeks have been so wonderful to see old friends and share in the celebration of their marriage.  Makes me think back onto my own wedding and how quickly the past 5 years have passed..

There has been lots of ups and downs along the way- 2 babies, dental school, unemployed, moving.. but I think the hardest times happened when I wasn’t as close with my friends through my troubled times.  Carrie Flower encourages us to be friends to those encountering illness or difficulties but what happens when you try to be a friend to someone and they wont let you in?  Even though Tommy and I were dating for 7 years before we got married, our actual wedding happened quickly.  After finding out we were expecting we decided to move on with the wedding before our little Mason arrived.  So that was a lot to process, and if finding out we were pregnant, planning and executing a wedding in 2 months wasn’t hard enough our Mason arrived 6 weeks early.  At 5 lbs 14 oz, with GERD and respiratory distress, he wound up in the NICU.  The hardest day of my life still has to be when I left the hospital and didn’t have my baby with me.  It was devastating.  After a 2 week feeding battle he came home with us.  Caring for a newborn is hard enough, especially when you combine it with a premature baby with GERD and who needs to nurse constantly so he will grow.  At 6 weeks he went into the hospital for surgery for treatment of pyloric stenosis.  It was devastating and for some reason I felt like it was all my fault.   I was a young mom who got “knocked up” and as if that wasn’t bad enough, I couldn’t even keep my baby inside long enough so that he could grow to his fullest. I was embarrassed and felt that I had no one to turn to because who could understand?

I began to back myself into a hole.  I didn’t really do much with anyone besides my family.  I was too scared to take Mason anywhere.  My friends did reach out to me, ask me to go out, go to the movies, visit them, do things that we use to do before I had a baby.  But I took that as them not understanding and not wanting to be a part of my new life with a newborn.  I drifted away from everyone and was depressed.  I didn’t really understand that I was depressed though until I finally met some other mom friends when Mason was about 14 months old. Once I finally felt comfortable enough, I shared with them how I was feeling.  They shared similar stories, which I could relate to.   It still took awhile to get out of the darkness and socialize again.  Once I had Elizabeth I was certain not to let this happen again.  As hard as it is to leave the newborn and your little boy, it is so important to go out, have fun with your friends, and do the things that were important to me before I was just a “mom.”  I swear exercising has helped as well.  During the “darkness” with Mason I barely worked out.  Running, spinning, stretching, and yoga are my therapy.  As hard as some days are to get out there and move because Im so sleep deprived or just “not in the mood” I always get re-energized when I get moving.

So remember that it is important not to turn your back on your friends or family when they are sick or going through their own hardships, but it also just as important to let your guard down when you struggling.   

I am so thankful for all of my friends in my life and I thank you for sticking by me, even if I wasn’t always available to let you in.  I love you!

Xoxx

K